Postcards from the Funny Farm

Beware, this post is not your usually “blue-sky” writing Damien. But, I think this post is very important to consider. Maybe the full moon seized my psyche, who knows. Yesterday I wrote a post on how we must give to others even when they can̵.... This is the sign of an evolved mind, a seeker of goodness. As Dale Carnegie pointed out, we are worthless if we can’t do this. have you ever been shocked when someone tried to give you something and you thought there was a “catch” and then you finally found out there wasn’t? I have been in that position and it makes you feel like a real jerk. Our perspective of the world needs to be optimistic and the best way we change this is to do these acts of kindness for others on purpose expecting nothing in return. Like I said yesterday: try it and you will see why I recommend this. It is a way to show unconditional love and release that energy into your world.

But hold on cowboys and cowgirls … when should you hold back? Should you serve everyone the same way? Is showing unconditional love always the best way to happiness?

If you are of the Judeo-Christian worldview, you know what Jesus said and others like him in the old testament. He was asked: “How many times shall I forgive? Seven times?” and he replied in the famous aphorism: “…seventy times seven.” This is a really non-realistic example. If I am to forgive someone perpetually I am just more or less a ding-a-ling and I deserve to get taken advantage of.

If you are not a Christian, you are likely still of the general belief that it is always better to serve other people all the time. For the same reasons, this is faulty thinking and we need to get it straight in our heads if we want to be productive, string people that have the ability to help others at all.

You see there comes a point when we become tired enablers. people around us get used to us doing their work for them and ours suffers. This is a dangerous place. When you become a reckless helper, you can lose sight of the things that are falling apart in your own world. For that reason you need to be very aware of your energy threshold and when you start taking on too much, you need to tell people no without shame. I helped too many people the other day and could barely get my stuff at work done.

Do all that you can do without depleting your energy. For example, if you have to weed your garden and you go over to help your neighbor weed theirs, you may risk not getting your own chores done. If you can help them a little and maybe show them a technique you know this is better. There is a time to stop giving and that is the time when you feel your resources are depleting. If you can’t get your own stuff done, then you have no business helping others for the sake of helping. That’s the time to take a few cruises, or something just for you.

Your answer to that question may be the reason you’re not getting what you want.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

-Dale Carnegie

Of all his quotes, this one is the best in my opinion. It’s like the old adage your mother and father said when you were young: “If you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” Ah if it were only so simple to put into practice. Here’s a gem of knowledge I’ve picked up: aspirers to greatness, get out your pens.

When fettered by the pressures of the day, there is a way out. Well, I’ll call it a way through since “way out” connotes quitting. Instead of focusing on your pressures and concerns, tell yourself on the way to work or whatever it is you are doing: “I will try and help others first today.” You will find this to be a transformative experience that will open your mind more to those around you. As a result, you will be more accepting and your troubles will likely become easier to deal with. I wouldn’t recommend this unless I had tried it. And as always, I write it here in part to remind myself to use it. Try thinking of others above yourself tomorrow and see what happens. I think you’ll be pleased and surprised.