Method to Your Marriage?
Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
I want to discuss Ellis’ theory of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) as it relates to a happy marriage. Let’s face it, when your marriage is thriving and healthy, it feels like you’re taking pure energy pills. I may have mentioned REBT here before but this is a unique way of looking at it to keep your marriage positive and growing in love. REBT is a way of breaking down communication and understanding why we and our spouses do what we do. The basic template are these ABC’s:
A: Adversity comes our way and we are forced to deal with it. This can be like the house being messy for example. Will you clean it? Will you yell at your spouse over it? Will you do nothing and BROOD? etc.
B: Beliefs we hold cause us to see adversity in given ways. For example, if I grew up with a maid, I will not likely clean the house all the time. On the other hand, if I was the cleaner my whole life I might never let it get bad. Then finally,
C: Consequences result after A and B combine to make our actions. The trick is really studying how we got here in a given situation.
I think it is the best piece of advice I could give to a married couple to study Ellis’ ABC’s of REBT. It is the logical continuation of possibility thinking (I wrote a series on that btw) Understanding that your spouse says and does things directly as a result of their beliefs might lessen the number of arguments you have. For example, if you learn that your wife never got new shoes much, then you might understand her apprehension to buying your kids as many as you think they need. That’s a simple example but this method can help you manage your money, sex-life, raising and disciplining of kids, etc. Remember to think your arguments through and remember your ABC’s.
Got a method to your marriage that works for you?
