Postcards from the Funny Farm

I mentor people when it makes sense and when I feel I can offer value toward their goals. Here I lay out an experience from blogging (I mentor at work and in my hobby circles as well). Mentoring is a win/win and here’s an example from my blogging world.

A while back I picked up Michelle MacPhearson’s ebook called Social Media Daily. It’s 50 or so pages of how to increase backlinks to your blog through social media. In it though, she mentions other methods and one of them is to mentor someone.

I remember when I first read that I was like: “Huh? How would mentoring someone increase backlinks?” Then, just by divine providence or something I began getting questions from noobs right and left through comments and email. I did an experiment and started offering to “mentor” these noobs and that I would not charge a fee. I think a few got freaked out and never wrote back but 4 have been sticking with me and it’s been quite a ride. I learned why Michelle recommends it now. Some reasons are intrinsic rewards of watching someone grow as a blogger. Other reasons are tangible: they will link to you. You become friends in the blogosphere and that is more valuable than anything.

I didn’t mean this to be a long post but it looks like it became that way. I guess I had more to say than I thought.

One new bloggy friend of mine, also a “mentee,” Justin has a blog called Dragon Blogger. He’s already given me 2 backlinks on a couple of my blogs without me asking and today he published a guest blog post I did for his blog giving me a backlink to all three of my blogs. This is awesome.

I hope Justin and I continue working together to meet our common blogging goals. That goes for the other folks I interact with online. It’s as beneficial to the mentor as it is to the mentee. Mentoring is an age-old tradition that more people should return to, even in arenas other than blogging.
In theory, good things like mentoring will add more backlinks (and other great things like friendships) than you can fit on a hard drive.

What’s your take on mentoring and/or being mentored?

Today’s concept: “Why we fear aging.”  I suppose a better title would be “Why DO we fear aging”  but I really don’t know.  In many ways, aging is a thrill.  I had a kid tell me today he found a synonym for “journey,” it was the expedition.  I was really proud of that student for noticing that in his reading.  Some might say you start out at the top of the cat pole and end up in the litter box.  I have to question that.  Aging is like a journey, but even more like a expedition, I think.

The other day a little scrappy kid whose brother I had last year in my class yelled across the playground at me: “What’s up Mr. Riley.”  I always feel so “hip” when they do that :)  What he said next though wasn’t so “hip,”

“You got old Mr. Riley.”

Now at first, I felt sad about this appraisal of my appearance.  Then, as any responsible parent or teacher would, I tried to understand why he would say that.  I came up empty … I do look older this year!  Even though I shave my head and have since I was about 26, the sides are getting quite gray.  My goatee is enjoying the same salt and peppering.  Usually when I look in the mirror I say: “You get better looking each day.”  but alas, I work with truth megaphones aka ;) little kids.

I think we fear getting old because we feel we won’t get what we want out of life.  We may fear that others will not like us as much and therefore we won’t be as successful.  When I think about it though, most the successful folks I know who are getting what they want out of life are over 50.  I haven’t even turned 40 yet.

I told my wife about the incident and she just laughed at me.  Maybe you out there can give me a pity party ;)

How are you doing on your aging expedition?

I’ve been in a situation recently where my physical body/animal brain was moving me to retaliate against someone who offended me (actually a couple people) and at the same time my intellect was telling me to relent, or hold off until I’d calmed down. I won’t get into specifics because that’s not my point here. I’ll tell you I did relent and I am so glad.

Once I calmed down and reassessed the situation, I realized that while my feelings were 100% valid, they were not a good determiner of action. In fact, if my feelings had determined my actions in the professional environment, in this case I could have severed (possibly permanently) networks with key people likely to be in my circle until I retire. When the hot cools down from work days like that, you have some amazing realizations reclining at home or jumping on your trampoline. You have no idea what they will be in the heat of the moment.

So what did I learn from this and why am I sharing? Well, as I have said over and over, I write about psychology and inspiration here in order to better your life. It isn’t therapy for me. If it were you’d read a lot of bad words etc. I am thinking and analyzing my life all the time for good lessons to share with you. I hope these lessons advance you in your journey. That is why I blog on psychology and inspiration. In this post, my lesson is simple: In the professional environment, let facts not feelings determine your actions.

When you feel upset, insulted, or angry, these are usually products of a bruised ego and not the real you (as Eckhart calls the “being”). Relenting when you feel badly can help you recover your sense of being and throw off your ego. So, here are the three things I did when I was offended/mistreated recently at work. Translated into your life, I hope they help you save yourself some grief and advance like I did:

1. Get the facts written down.
2. Write down a note (official in wording) to the offending party(ies) stating the wrong done to you and DONT SEND IT. Put it in your wallet folded tightly closed.
3. Forget about it and go about your day.
4. Later in the evening, pull out the letter. You may be ashamed you wrote it, but keep it for 3 days. If the issue does come up, you will be upset and you can take the note out for the facts that emotion may cause you to forget.

That’s it! As I have said (to the rhythm of something Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled,

I’m no expert on psychology but I have read more on psychology than some psychology experts :)

Now you’ve read some of that yourself, succinctly put in a blog post. At work, be a real man (or woman) and act on facts, not on feelings. Do what you have to do to stay cool. Another thing I do, and I have written on the value of a music CD, is make and listen to a CD of the best tunes I know.

Quick after thought: WATCH OUT! Something is at risk with this kind of talk, and it’s your job! You will be better off to use this approach but remember you should never forget any wrong done to you against the law or your contract. Write it down! All I am saying to do is to deal with it later.