Postcards from the Funny Farm

I was out watching my two girls play by the pool and an interesting thing happened. My youngest reached for an inflatable ring next to some car covers that was being blown away from her by the desert winds. I told her to hold on and daddy would get it. She persisted in reaching for it as if it was the most amazing item in the world. I couldn’t help but wonder why such a vanilla, plain and unexciting object would be so important to her. There were three others like it by her and a life jacket as well. Then I got to thinking: she has gotten used to that faded plastic ring that probably cost us less than a dollar. To her, it has become an object of fun. I started remembering all the bikes I had as a kid and some of the stuff I really loved but wasn’t worth much.

A lot of times in my life I think along the lines of “They just don’t make them like they used to.” This is because I am naturally nostalgic about the things of my past, namely: of my youth.

We’d do well to remember two things based on this ring:

1. Things have no “value” to our lives apart from the meaning we assign and pour into them. This is especially true for kids. -and-
2. Instead of drawing close to things we should open our minds to all things. If you like IBM computers, try MACS and vice versa. Etc.

My daughter showed me with her ring today that what I do is just as good as what my parents did for me and life is simple to a child. She may remember that ring for years as a simple of playing in the pool with dad based on the meaning she assigned to it. I think probably this afternoon I would have expired it to the recycle bin had she not shown me it was special.

Do you have an object or a memory of one that you assign(ed) meaning to?

It’s the 4th of July and as always: guests are coming over. Before I unloaded/loaded the dishwasher and shocked the pool, I picked up my weapon against the cleaning blues: My Martin triple-o.

Whatever situation I find myself in … the guitar saves me in relaxing the room. Example: kids in my class are out of sorts and chatting constantly. Unable to focus and get the situation under control, I pick up the guitar, which silences many, and start to count: one … two … three … you can hear a pin drop on carpet. A scene not even the best digital cameras can capture … you have to be there.

I then strum out Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land” and every kid sings along. That song really tells a powerful story. I tell you I have been teaching for 10 years and working with kids for at least 20. The guitar never fails. It’s like a semi-automatic weapon against chaos in tha classroom. But this morning I used it a different way.

Sauntering over with sleep still in my eyes, I sat on the kids’ toybox and started flecking the strings with my pick. Paul McCartney’s almost now obscure “My Love” came into my head, a song I taught myself years ago. “My love does it goooooood.” My 3 year old started twirling in front of me as I continued strumming and faking the lyrics. Reminiscent of another time undefined, another place.

I went on to place a few other Beatles songs and ended with the “Gidget” reminiscent “Wipeout” instrmental. Rippin’ it up still at 39. When I came out of the guitar zone, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, fed the dog, and shocked the pool. I hear the pump outside filtering the water for our guests at 2pm. I smile to myself at an idea only I will probably “get.” Then I come here to blog it for the archive. Maybe somebody will get it out there, Chris or somebody. Happy 4th readers of mine. (afterthought: this post should serve to remind us players that only we can teach the youth of today to appreciate the guitar)

Our parents occupy a space in our psyches that determines so many of our thought patterns. It starts when we are very young babies and continues on until even after they pass away and we ourselves become the unique parents and grandparents. If we are fortunate, our parents are people we can and should trust as children and into adulthood. For me, and many I hope, our parents give us unconditional love that enables us to do the great things we dream of. You see that kind of love in church and on religious jewelry, but rarely do we run across it in life.

When we are kids, mom and dad’s discipline is usually dreaded. It makes us angry. They tell us to not run across wet tile and to make sure we wear a coat outside when it’s cold. We of course resent these demands as children and automatically assume our parents are ordering out out of spite, envy, or just plain meanness. The craziest thing is that when we slip on the floor after disobeying or when we catch a nasty could and cough for not heeding our parents’ commands, we still resent them. It flies in the face of reason but I see it often in my own son and I remember the same pattern happening when I was young. Now, at age 39, I find myself hungering for advice from my parents. They give it when I ask but it is not the same. It’s like an unwritten rule that when you do become an adult, you have to find your own way. DOH! Reality bites sometimes.

As I close up this series, I am very proud of the idea. It moved my mind in places I hardly ever examine. To me, the ever elusive definition of a blog is encapsulated in a series like this: it helps me to write, maybe it will help someone out there to read. Have I mentioned I’m taken in with the blog phenomena? Maybe I didn’t have to. If you don’t have one yet, you really should start. I explain how to start a Wordpress blog in a recen.... But onto the need to relax …

Whereas the human animal reacts … the evolved human analyzes and second guesses. This is the only thing that separates us. I heard a story this week of a sub who couldn’t control her mouth. What a shame. Apparently the “F” word was uttered and some students when to the office to report it. Now, I am not saying kids are always angels, but they should be protected from people yelling profanity at them. Teaching is a profession, not a social program. If someone is not willing to put in the creative effort to manage kids, then they shouldn’t be doing it. We should all, whether teaching or not, be inspiring to the kids in our sphere.  I fully expect this teacher to experience bad results as the effects of her actions. It’s too bad in a way because subs have it pretty hard. At the same time, this teacher was a grownup and she could have chosen to calm down and not yell the expletive.

Being calm and relaxing at will is not a optional skill for life. If you can’t be calm, you will one day face the consequences for it. Whether it is through losing your job or worse yet, physical and even terminal disease. It is proven that our temperament affects our bodies and so it follows that we must always strive to have a positive temperament. The alternative? Unemployment … divorce … sickness R.... Are all these worth purging your temper?

I feel glad that this series will always be here for me to go back to, and maybe for you when you find yourself unable to relax. If you treat your nerves and temperament with the same attention you would give your own child that you love, you will find you are much better equipped to enhance the world around you. If the minor tips in the series are not enough or if you just want more, I’d encourage you to seek out more knowledge. If you are a human, it will do you much good.

On that note: credit card debt relief can help you relax. Try it out!

Post image source: Wikipedia, PD

Damien and Sarah are out buying and moving into a new house and I’ve been honored with a request to guest blog here at Postcards From The Funny Farm.

While Damien is so inspirational and thought provoking, I am so…RANTastic. I’ve tried to find a delicate balance between the two with my thoughts on the differences between houses and homes for my guest post.

What is a house? A house is just a never large enough building with a roof that hopefully doesn’t leak when it rains. There will be some doors that let you walk in and out to go to work every day so you can afford the mortgage payment, property taxes, insurance and everything inside the house that will break the minute you sign the closing papers.

Of course, the house doesn’t come with anything so you will also need a second mortgage and a part-time job to decorate and fill it with beautiful furniture so the kids have a place to spill their grape kool-aid.

It’s true.

So why would anyone want to buy one of these? They wouldn’t. No one wants to buy a house. People want to buy a home.

A home is very different than a house. It’s the place you can kick off your shoes and relax in your favorite comfy chair. It’s the place where your kids, spouse and dogs come running to the door to greet you. It’s where you live, you love and laugh.

Home is where you bring home new babies in baskets and then gradually turn into a basket case when it’s time to let them go. It’s the place where every little stain and hand print has a story that only the people who live there can tell. It’s the place where dinner, poster board homework projects and most importantly, memories are made.

A house is the location listed on a property deed. A home is where your heart is and where you belong.

And like my friend Dorothy says, there’s just no place like it.

Damien and Sarah,

May your walls be filled with laughter,
may it reach from floor to rafter.
May the roof keep out the rain,
may sunshine warm each windowpane.
And may the door be open wide
to let the Good Lord’s love inside.

Congratulations on your new home!

P. S. When the furnace starts making a terrible noise, I know a guy :)

This post was inpsired by a children’s book I read my kids a lot.

Did you ever think a choice was good and when you took it found you were stuck headed to a dead end? This happened to me once when I was 19. I had just quit my job at the grocery store (anyone out there old enough to remember Alpha Beta?) I had been in some power struggles with my boss there. He had been scheduling me when my band had gigs etc. paying no attention to my notes when I needed time off. You know, typical 19 year old “finding his way,” “challenging authority” type stuff. I quit and he told me I was welcome to come back anytime. I remember thinking: “Thanks but no thanks pal … I’ll never be back dude.”

I had a tough time finding a job at that time with no education and not much experience. The ones I did find paid diddly squat like a Christmas job I got at the mall selling ornaments. At that same time, my dad and I had started going at it as well. I was totally into my music and playing in my band wherever I could get a show. Anyway, he had been telling me that unless I got enrolled in college, I’d have to start paying rent. Doesn’t it seem like when the heat is on, life just turns up the burners? Well, for me at that time the key was getting moved out and making more money than I made as a clerk at Alpha Beta. Then it happened:

I called one of those “manpower” type placement services. After about 99 forms, they said they had a “match” for me. It was stuffing microchips into long plastic strips. Then, sealing them and finally shipping them to various places. I stood at a line all day doing these tasks and heard the most foul profanity and odd stories from an ex-con on my left, about 10 years my senior, and two other guys that resented my squeaky clean personality as much as the ex-con did. They wanted me out of there from my first minute on the line. After a week I wanted to quit so bad but I didn’t have the balls to walk off the job from my supervisor. After two weeks of hearing stories about what marijuana is the best and women with “inverted nipples,” I knew I had to get out.

If you’ve read the story by Maurice Sendak Where the Wild things Are it’s a very close parallel. Max gets mad and punished by his mom, sent to bed without any supper. He dreams of where the wild things are only it goes better for him, they make him their king. After a time he wants to go back and they don’t want to let him go. In my case they were like: “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

About that time, I started looking into this college thing my dad kept forcing me into. As it turned out, college gave me a great career and a good life. I plan to pressure my kids the same way. For a little while they may flee to where the wild things are. But eventually They’ll come back to what’s real and what’s home … at least, that’s the hope all of us parents need to hold onto. After all, what do the wild things have that we don’t? I sure am glad I sailed in and out of a year to get back to my room where supper was waiting “and it was still hot.”

Did you ever stray out to where the wild things are?

I have music around me as much as possible. It lifts my spirit and makes me more human, I think. Someone might say that I am in my own la la land because I have a playlist for before the kids get here called “Feelin’ Good Classroom Music.” To that voice I say: “No, it took effort to get those songs loaded and it takes effort to press play when I get to work.” I put music and meditation on a high pedestal when it comes to work. In a given day I am barraged with requests from the administration, parents, and of course the kids have many needs. As an educator, it is easy to get caught up in my “to do list” and stress over it. When I stress out, the first casualty is my creativity and that ironically is that can solve most these professional issues of stress.

In short: I need music at the beginning of the day.

I’ve read that every one of the 5 senses has a different component related to memory. Scent, for example, has hedonic component where if you smell something you haven’t smelled since you were a kid, you might recall volumes of memories … it can even be overwhelming causing people to pass out I have read. Music is like that as well.

I have on this songlist music that takes me away to a place where I feel free and open to create and innovate my work. I also have a big comfy desk chair that I bought years ago at a discount furniture. It helps the musical effect, let me tell you! I am a moody person, to put it simply. For me, music is just as important as a drug would be. Recognizing that and being responsible to have a boombox or computer playlist in my work area is a facet of responsibility, no la la land here ;)

There are meditation actions one can take such as TM, prayer, mantra repetition and others. These are also important. There are so man things I can do proactively to have a great day at work. Nothing, however, prepares me better for my job of creativity and patience than quality time hearing musical notes and melodies being played in the morning. Whether it’s Theme from a Summer Place or DEVO singing Girl You Want from the Tank Girl soundtrack, playlist rules and I know it makes me a better teacher in a good mood every day.

Have you made a “Feelin’ Good” playlist?

I got that title from an old Alarm song. It’s a great tune with an even greater message for the visionaries among us in 2008.

Instead of waiting for others to be our inspiration, we have to be the inspiration to others AND to ourselves.

As you may have gathered from this series’ title, I grew up in Orange County. 45 minutes from Disneyland and 2 hours from the Mexico border. Nice living! When I moved up here to the high desert of California in August of 2002 I had nothing more than 300 bucks in my pocket and what seemed like a mystical job contract to teach public school. I left behind a rental apartment and everything else that had been “home.” I had decided some months earlier that a return to teaching was what my life and soul needed at age 33. You can read more about my transition back into teaching in my article entitled: Success and Relativity. Anyway, I didn’t mind the details of the move, I just knew this was my return to teaching and return to joy. It was as if I was in the story Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the teaching job was my “golden ticket.”

The people I met up here, from the interview onward were magical. They saw the light in me and in turn I saw theirs. People offered to let me sleep on their couches, rent their condos, go out to dinner with them, set me up with women … note: I was single then … it was like out of a dream. The dream wasn’t so much about what they offered me though, it was about the light they shined into my heart. I remember thinking of the high desert as a magical place that no one in Orange County, where I grew up, could ever touch. Well, of course, I see now after nearly six years that wasn’t the case, it was merely my perception brought on by simple things people did.

The people were and still are magical but many have left the desert. One woman in particular who was instrumental in hiring me sufferred unspeakable loss when her son and his wife lost a baby in delivery. This world can be so harsh. She left the district and I don’t see her anymore. Others have retired and some have just moved on. I find myself sometimes asking: “Was the magic real? Where has it gone?” There you have the place to put my title: We are the Light.

In life we are lucky at times to be touched by the magic of others. We must never forget however that we have that same power to touch others. We see the light in people they often don’t see themselves. Let your words and actions pour light like water into the “vases” of people. Let them be better for knowing you. I’ll never forget the time my Grandpa had such an impact on me when he bought me a set of Callaway irons as a kid. I used to polish them nightly. Golf was a better game for me because of his generosity. That’s the kind of impact we should all have.

Remember also that the world is not always a mystical place. It is most the time, at its most complex level, just people walking on sand getting to their next destination. It takes people of vision, like you and I my friend, to to create the perception of magic.

The things that are eternal are actions and words you dream. Only you can start them. Only you can bring them back. Only you can keep them going. There really isn’t much to say on this except: GO AND DO!

An aside here at closing: Below are 4 of my family pictures. Each person in them “happened” post-desert … post-magic. Looking at them reminds me that home is where I probably need to shine the brightest, before I take on the world. Wouldn’t you agree?

My kind friend and fellow blogger JeanGrey over at Letters from the Soul has published another guest blog of mine. I wrote this one about those holiday stresses in the family when you feel like you have to drive over hill and dale to get to those sometimes not-so-thrilling get togethers. See what you think of my decision this year to stay home safe and sound with the wife and kids. How do you handle boundaries with loved ones? If you’re interested in reading my article, it is linked at the url below:

url: lettersfromthesoul.com/2008/03/22/setting-boundari...

If you are interested in having me guestblog for your blog for free, read the page explaining the process and contact me. Thanks! I hope to hear from you. Guest blogging is a fun and great way to assist bloggers in practicing writing, networking, and affiliate marketing.

Despite the title and picture, this post has nothing to do with off road vehicles. Instead it is meant to give 4 sections with 4 items each discussing writing and inspiration. I just couldn’t help finding a 4×4 grinding a wall for my post. The prompt comes from Confident Writing. Joanna has an excellent site there offering inspiration in writing and in life. Why not try the 4×4 challenge on your blog?

I’ve been writing seriously since my last year as an undergraduate, 1995. I recall that because I actually starting sending things out in the mail that year. Nothing came of it financially but I can say honestly that those rejections were helpful in every publishing I’ve had since then. I haven’t had a huge number but enough to pay for some fun family stuff and to take my wife out once in a while.

As someone who struggles daily to be a better writer with inspiration, I think I’m certainly qualified to take part in this challenge. This is not really the stage of inspiration but it precipitates that. If these things are done, your best writing will follow. Maybe you will use some of these, maybe you’ll find them all ridiculous but I’ve searched my heart and soul and listed them here. Hop in my 4×4 and check out how this dude fosters inspiration for his writing:

1. Physical Well Being and Rest

When you are stressed or sick or just unkempt, it inhibits inspiration.

1. Take a Multi-vitamin before you write with a natural juice (not the sugared kinds).
2. When you know you are headed into a writing situation, make sure you have nice clean comfortable clothes hanging up in the bathroom next to the shower ready for you that day.
3. Breathe deeply after you get all dressed and showered.
4. Make a practice of imagining possibilities before you turn on your computer, or pick up your yellow pad.

2. Harmony and Peace in Your Home

That hillbilly country song “If mamma aint happy, aint nobody happy” is truth like a flood light for writers, especially if you’re a mamma I am sure! ;) Make sure your wife, kids, dog, salesman at the door etc. are all happy and satisfied before you sit down to attempt to write.

1. Play with your kids.
2. Sit next to your spouse and turn off your computer.
3. Talk.
4. Laugh and sing as you do the dishes (some of my best ideas have come doing the dishes).

3. Read Biographies

I will simply mention names … these people’s lives have transformed my life and inspired me as they continue to. I’ve written an article on each of these greats which you’ll find linked in their names.

1. Walt Disney
2. Ray Kroc
3. Rod Serling
4. Dr. Seuss

4. Earn Money at the Craft

As you write and hone your craft, seek out ways to make money. You ought to be paid for the contributions you make. Not always, but at least put your stuff out there. Below are 4 linked articles that show you some ways, for example, how to do this. In all, there are myriads more out there, the only limitation is in your mind:

1. PayPerPost
2. Summary of Many
3. Another Slick List of Blog for Pay Companies
4. Yes, Bloggers Can Make Money Without PageRank

If any of these touched you, I’d love to hear about it.