Postcards from the Funny Farm

I want to discuss Ellis’ theory of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) as it relates to a happy marriage. Let’s face it, when your marriage is thriving and healthy, it feels like you’re taking pure energy pills. I may have mentioned REBT here before but this is a unique way of looking at it to keep your marriage positive and growing in love.  REBT is a way of breaking down communication and understanding why we and our spouses do what we do. The basic template are these ABC’s:

A: Adversity comes our way and we are forced to deal with it.  This can be like the house being messy for example.  Will you clean it?  Will you yell at your spouse over it?  Will you do nothing and BROOD? etc.

B: Beliefs we hold cause us to see adversity in given ways.  For example, if I grew up with a maid, I will not likely clean the house all the time.  On the other hand, if I was the cleaner my whole life I might never let it get bad. Then finally,

C: Consequences result after A and B combine to make our actions.  The trick is really studying how we got here in a given situation.

I think it is the best piece of advice I could give to a married couple to study Ellis’ ABC’s of REBT.  It is the logical continuation of possibility thinking (I wrote a series on that btw) Understanding that your spouse says and does things directly as a result of their beliefs might lessen the number of arguments you have.  For example, if you learn that your wife never got new shoes much, then you might understand her apprehension to buying your kids as many as you think they need.  That’s a simple example but this method can help you manage your money, sex-life, raising and disciplining of kids, etc.  Remember to think your arguments through and remember your ABC’s.

Got a method to your marriage that works for you?

A police friend I know has been shot at, threatened and scared half to death by some of the criminals he’s dealt with. Another fireman friend of mine from years back has almost destroyed his back pulling people out of burning buildings. As for me, I deal with something every day more ominous than most can imagine: surly kids. In my career I’ve had issues with kids that that few non-teachers will ever comprehend the difficulty of. I’ve had kids flat out tell me “no” to my face. I’ve had kids shout profanity at me. I’ve had kids tell me they are sending their dad, uncle or brother to beat me up. I’ve had days where all I wanted to do was go home to my room and close the vinyl shutters. I am telling you, in the schools and classrooms I have been in, I’ve seen it all.

But, along with the bad there is plenty of good I must add. In addition to the minority of students who have tested my desire to remain a teacher, many more have made me so glad and proud to do what I do. So, enough of of the “pity party” on my part, let’s talk about how to deal with these troublesome kids, because teachers are always going to have them and kids will always weave into every person’s life.

There are so many plans at your disposal as a teacher to control behavior in the class. You can have a warning/consequences chart, you can do positive reinforcements, you can even take entire blocks of time to model your rules and consequences. In my opinion, nothing works better than a certain type of psychology on kids who won’t behave. It is called “Choice, and Consequence” teaching. Let me explain:

When a kid misbehaves it is either because 1) They don’t realize it and are just being “slap-happy.” -or- 2) They know it’s wrong and they do it hoping they won’t be seen or caught. In order to avoid punishing a kid for just being slap-happy, you should only punish if the child disobeys or is defiant, give them a warning. Make sure you state clearly the rule they have broken. ie;

Johnny, you kicked someone’es leg and they complained to me. You did not respect your classmate and that is rule 3 on our list on the wall. If you do it again, you will lose your recess.

Now the child knows what is wrong to do. If he continues, it is defiance. Well, as I have been telling you, I’m familiar with these kids who still do it. At that point, when they do it again, here is the only thing you can and should say:

Johnny, what you have done gives me only 2 options: Write a referral for which you will be suspended for physically kicking another student. -or- make a phone call to your parents in front of everyone asking them to help me teach you this is wrong.

Now you don’t have to use those 2 choices, but that is where teaching creativity comes in. the key is getting them to see the consequences are as a result of their actions not yours and then continue giving them choices until the issue is out of your hands with the office or with their parents.

You can keep up with my ongoing notes on teaching and life in the classroom at my teaching “edublog”: entitled: Dynamite Lesson Plan

What do you think of the choice/consequence method?