Postcards from the Funny Farm

Today’s concept: “Why we fear aging.”  I suppose a better title would be “Why DO we fear aging”  but I really don’t know.  In many ways, aging is a thrill.  I had a kid tell me today he found a synonym for “journey,” it was the expedition.  I was really proud of that student for noticing that in his reading.  Some might say you start out at the top of the cat pole and end up in the litter box.  I have to question that.  Aging is like a journey, but even more like a expedition, I think.

The other day a little scrappy kid whose brother I had last year in my class yelled across the playground at me: “What’s up Mr. Riley.”  I always feel so “hip” when they do that :)  What he said next though wasn’t so “hip,”

“You got old Mr. Riley.”

Now at first, I felt sad about this appraisal of my appearance.  Then, as any responsible parent or teacher would, I tried to understand why he would say that.  I came up empty … I do look older this year!  Even though I shave my head and have since I was about 26, the sides are getting quite gray.  My goatee is enjoying the same salt and peppering.  Usually when I look in the mirror I say: “You get better looking each day.”  but alas, I work with truth megaphones aka ;) little kids.

I think we fear getting old because we feel we won’t get what we want out of life.  We may fear that others will not like us as much and therefore we won’t be as successful.  When I think about it though, most the successful folks I know who are getting what they want out of life are over 50.  I haven’t even turned 40 yet.

I told my wife about the incident and she just laughed at me.  Maybe you out there can give me a pity party ;)

How are you doing on your aging expedition?

Boy that is sometimes easier said than done. Have you ever got so uppity at someone only to find out later you were wrong? It’s a bad feeling let me tell you. Kind of like when your baby has a really bad diaper and for the life of you you can’t remember where your wife put the wipes. Tonight I waited on the phone for the longest time with the bank thinking I had an unapproved transaction on my statement for $15. After going through it with three people on the fraud line, I realized the mistake was mine … wow.

I think I’d like to be the nice person for a change. Do you think people say that about you? We all get frustrated and we all have issues. Come on, let’s face it … we ALL do. Instead of bumming the world out about it, how about we decide to be a nice voice on the phone, a nice face passing on the street, or a nice “voice” of writing on internet comments. This world is so screwed up and there is more pain around you than you could imagine. Let’s focus on that “be nice” energy point and see where it gets us. Are you game?

Before I close I just want to encourage all my readers about an opportunity to write on an exciting subject. It pretty much applies to anyone, so everyone can go for it. It’s for my current contest and you don’t have to do anything special, just link to this site. The prizes are pretty good I think and everyone who enters will get their share of new traffic. More details here.

What do you do when someone around you is in-your-face negative? Do you have a strategy for these “inspiration suckers?” Well, I can tell you one thing you cannot do with them: escape. I recall one day I was overhearing a very negative and counter-productive conversation. Rather than get involved in it and possibly get the proverbial: “What do YOU think Damien?” I ran out of that area. I went to a new location and tried to forget about the vitriolic stuff I had just overheard.

In that moment, I saw an even more negative situation where a kid was actually being the negative, toxic one. I realized then and there that you can run but you cannot hide from toxic people and their negative energy. I struggled for a long time develop a strategy for handling these people. One day it hit me as clear as day: ignore them. Can anything you do make a prickly plant soft? When you let these people affect your inner peace, you encourage them in essence. By ignoring these toxic people, you take away their power over you and over others. Even a toxic person knows what a closed door means. If you ignore them long enough, they will move on.

I would love to be able to tell you that these people will one day not be in our society anymore but they always have been and they always will. Just ignore them. They may not go away, but they won’t take anything good out of you. Oh one more thing, did you ever hear about the lifeguard that got pulled down and drowned while trying to save a flailing, pannicking swimmer? Both people died because the lifeguard tried to embrace a drowning man. Don’t let negative people pull you under, let them drown you’ve got better things to do anyway. Here’s a great article that gives more detai...

Do you think ignoring negative people is the best approach?

Do you know that Simon and Garfunkel tune? You know the one where they say … “Feelin’ Groovy!” That came into my head as I was thinking about what to blog on today. Another psychology topic, that makes two in a row. This one is more specifically about what I call the “Psychology of Perception.”  I have been interested in in psychology for almost two decades now. All throughout my 20’s (the 1990’s) I read books by authors such as M. Scott Peck, Rollo May, Leo Buscgalia, Richard Carlson, and a host of others. I ended up specializing in education but my personal reading interests have always lied in psych. I’m not ashamed to say as well that I have paid for counseling on more than one occasion. It has benefited me greatly and I truly admire all walks of mental health therapists. They have a tough job and if they do it right, they can transform a person’s life for the better.  I think if we’re honest with ourselves, we are all a little kooky, hence the title of this blog.

Today I’m reminded of that song aforementioned. I don’t want to feel stressed about life … that just isn’t me. When I am stressed, I become something different … someone different. Maybe not altogether, but people approach me and say: “Are you okay? Are you sick?” I have one of those demeanors that is inescapably transparent and people around me, including my wife, tell me they can tell when I am stressed or not myself. For example, the other day my wife told me I looked younger because I had shaved very close but when she glanced down further at my neck, she noticed there was still some stubble there. eek. I hate it when I am in a rush and miss that. Ever happen to you? Anyway, she told me I look “older” when I miss that area. It’s like a 5 o’clock shadow at 8am. Well, as I have been saying, do you know why I missed that? Because I was stressed!

I need to feel groovy but how do I get there? Well … I can plan my day based on things I am passionate about. As a teacher I know how to do this. You tie in the lessons to examples that you are interested in and it makes for a much more effective lesson. Yes, it takes more creativity, wit, and candor than just following the rote textbook, but it pays off for your attitud3e and for their achievement results. In other lines of work, or for housewives, you’ll have to plug in your own connection here though I could think of some.

Kicking up the cobblestones of your life and feeling groovy is the way top a great day and that great day multiplies and translates into a great month and then a great year. Try and get a hold of that song if you can. Listen to it and make it your mantra today. Remember the psychology of looking at things from another angle. Don’t fixate on the angle that brings you down. There are always more than one way to perceive a situation.