Postcards from the Funny Farm – PFTFF

Staying open to the possibilities in life is easy in theory. Who wouldn’t want to do it? External forces like finances, chance accidents, bad luck, and difficult people are what really test a “possibility thinker’s” resolve. I have decided to be a possibility thinker at all times and in all circumstances. Whether I am on my last ounce of motivation or if I am at the peak of K2 pontificating to the masses, I’m going for it mentally. I’ve tried the alternative (something they call “realism”) and it is a mind trap. Without possibility thinking, nothing ever changes, so I apply myself to thinking that way, even when people around me try to “burst my bubble.”

The people who make possibility thinking difficult are the ones who always have a negative word for anything you say. They usually present problems and when you as a possibility thinker try to offer a solution (or at least the attitude toward solving it) they let you know in many ways that you are naive, foolish, and other sentiments equating to: “you don’t work and haven’t ever worked and suffered as hard as me (them.)” These people have come in and out of my life since I was a kid. I remember the bullies, the start soccer players who were real jerks and never passed. etc. These people, why don’t we call them “naysayers,” will spend countless amounts of energy showing you your faults and trying to sap your motivation just as theirs has been sapped. I’ve heard them referred to in psychology as “toxic people.” You should avoid them if you can, but we all know that’s impossible at work and sometimes with friends and family. Here’s how I suggest you get through it:

Since you are always looking for possibilities in life, be open to a possible understanding of this person. Even when they try to harm you or put you down, keep an open mind. When they say their acidic studpid lines, just suck it up and think to yourself: “That is one way to look at it . . . not MY way, but one way.” If you want you can even say it aloud to them. It will probably tick them off because in their mind, they have the only and best perspective of every situation. The more one is open, the less toxic she/he becomes. Humility is also not something these types possess.

Last, be open and trusting of the fact that good people doing the right thing for the right reasons usually succeed. Channel you anger or frustration at these toxic people into your work and family life in doing the right thing. Think of who you want to be. Don’t wait for toxic people to tell you who you are, KNOW IT on a daily basis. In time, you will realize a possibility that takes them off their platform and puts you above them. The right thing USUALLY happens that way in work and family. If it doesn’t, you can feel content knowing you are right to be optimistic and a relaxed possibility thinker. They are usually more concerned with showing the world how tough they have it and how great they are than actually getting anything done.

Eventually, your boss and family will come to see you for who you have been and still are and the same with toxic people. I hope some of these words have helped you understand the way through toxic people. Possibility thinking is not for cowards. Often nay-saying toxic people will get in your face for being open-minded. I hope this post lets you know you have a right to defend yourself and that there is a right way to do it! Model my approach “That’s one way to look at it.” ;) Try saying it to a toxic person, you’ll be heaping coals on his/her head!

Do you know toxic people at work, in your family? How do you stay positive when they start to sputter their poison words and influence? I’d like to learn more from YOUR comments so leave some here. After that, stay tuned for the next post in this series!